26/07/26>> Couple of things on my mind. I'm scared at the fact that maybe further into my transition people will question the validity of my feminism. I feel like i'm going to have to scream and claw even louder for people to listen. I've been through those experinces, i know what it's like. I was a girl, and everyone currently still sees me as a girl, they still treat me as a girl, and they treat me like shit. The few times i have been seen as a guy i was treated vastly differently and definitly better. I know what it's fucking like and i'm scared people are going to forget that.
I'm also scared that i will never reach a point in my life where people will forget. I'm too much of a coward. I'm to scared to stand up to my parents and convince them to let me start T and STOP FUCKING IGNORING THAT I CAME OUT TWO YEARS AGO AND THEY STILL CALL ME THEIR DAUGHTER. I'm too scared to change my name publicly and i'm too scared to correct people on my pronouns that still misgender me even when i've told them. I just feel like a wimp and i feel like i'm never going to get there.
I also hate when dysphoria starts feeling like toxic masculinity. I know that it's different but when I'm suddely struck with the internal monologue of "Don't do that, you'll look like a girl." it just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Gender is a bunch of bullshit and i know I can do whatever i want and still be a boy, but i wish the stupid half of my brain would think the same way.
16/07/26>> I don't reallt want to spent my life in a house with a romantic partner. Im pretty sure i'm aroace to some degree or something along the lines of that. I kinda just wanna spent the rest of my life as roommates with some guy who is kinda my best friend and it's a bit sitcommy. Like oh yeah it's those guys (gender nuetral) they're not dating they have just lived together their whole lives. Whatever man. like we'd know eachother's routines off by heart and would be able to chuck breakfast at eachother and catch it withou looking while getting ready we're just so insync. Like those guys from flight of the concords.
11/07/26>> i watched Blade Runner 2049 the other day. It just makes me sad. I think i would've enjoyed it but i just can't. It's not because it's a sequel or anything or that it "ruined blade runner." it's because of, as everything is, AI. I can't understnad what joi was meant to mean and i dont think I ever will. Is she meant to be and understaning lover? A juliette? A representation of big tech companies' choke hold on the population? I Genuinly can't tell, and it's all because of the dystopian bullshit the world has plunged itself into. The only way i can view Joi is as another ai made to suck money out of us. I want to understand her, I wan't to understand Joe's relationship with her but i can't, its all just elon musk and chat gpt to me. I loved Wall-E, it's an amazing movie, it made me so happy watching it when i was younger, but looking back it makes my heart ache. Robots used to be a tool in fiction to write heart wrenching metaphores about love, predjudice, and humanity its self, but The introduction of it into the real world has just done so much damage it's almost impossible for me to relate to any of these characters anymore. Fuck you trump, fuck to open ai, fuck you musk and every other dickhead who ruined this for me.
07/07/26>> WOW I really was being a pretnetious bastard on 21/05/26. Mate sometimes i just make myself so mad like NO ONE asked you to share that twin.
07/07/26>> 
06/07/26>> I absolutetly love Your Ai Slop Bores Me. They just invented a new way to do omeagle but it's anticapitolst now.
03/07/26>> Sexuality is very strange, also i'm going to get a cool job at a cool shop somehwere then i'm going to go to film school and then ill just kinda live.
02/07/26>> Hi again, just thinking... what if this site gets used as a historical source that is like... used to study the current social, geopolitical and literal climate of right now? heh just kidding... I'm trans btw and everything sucks and if you future people are listeing, there's also good. I love my life rn apart from feeling like everyone in power hates me. my friends make it worth living, you should try just loving people, it works wonders for the state of the world, hate really does wreck things. Friends are the best, the world sucks but at least i have them, i think i'll be ok. good luck!
02/07/26>>Driverless cars exist now, like fully functional ones that wrk as taxis and shit. I didn't realise it but they have probably existed for months now. I feel like this isn't supposed to happen. I'm only a kid and back to the future shit is happening. What's the world gonna look like when i'm 25? I feel so stupid for not knowimg they existed. This isn't something that's supposed to happen until i'm like 90 or something. It feels like i'm standing still and everything is moving forward. I feel weird.
14/06/26>>John Safran is pretty cool
07/06/26>> The most interesting MCR song has to be desert song. It's so different from everything on revenge. It's still angry to me, but instead of letting that anger take over and drive you insane, you get driven insane from trying to hold it back. It feels like every muscle in your neck is starining trying to hold it back. It definitly comes from the vocals. I think singing it in that lower range definitly gives that feeling, not being able to let yourself go, you just have to grumble through it, low slow vibrations. idk man i was just thinking way to hard about it.
21/05/26>> Today i had the thought "something that lasts forever is something that hasn't been loved" and then i was like "huh i should write that down"
20/05/26>> I'm so pissed i just did my maths homework to calm down
10/05/26>> I'm gonna get there some day
05/05/26>> Me the second the sun starts to set: man i wish i could smoke 1979 from the hit album melancholy and the infinite sadness by the smashing pumpkins like a blunt
28/04/26>> As much as transmascs want to be vampires they never will because of how much garlic they consume.
27/04/26>> English class is probably the thing i look foward too and dread the most. ww2 is happening again. fuck
26/04/26>> watching Star Wars at 4 is probably y im trans
Dividers from here:)